Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
