This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
