So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize