I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
