I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
