That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
