too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
