hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
