how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
