Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
