the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
