He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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