I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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