im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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