I want to have your abortion
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
