the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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