no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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