I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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