I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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