you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
