I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
