I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
