Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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