I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
