oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize