u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
