i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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