So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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