Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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