I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
