I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
