She is in my trunk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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