he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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