but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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