Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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