Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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