You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
