She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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