i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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