I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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