I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
