i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize