Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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