He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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