He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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