Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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