her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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