i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
