Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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