Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize