I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
