i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
