no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
