Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
