So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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