Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
