So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
