But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
