Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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