Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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