K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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