We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
