Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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