'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
