she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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