Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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