it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
