just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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