get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
