My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
