Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
