We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
