So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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