The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
