The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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