This girl is more easily done than said...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
