am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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