I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
