I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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