Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Who did Billy Mays play for?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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