I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
