Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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