mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
