just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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