I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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