why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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