Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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