I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
