i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize