Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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